My Inner Supermodel is Broken
By Bianca
FDR once said: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
He forgot to include falling on your fat ass in front of 4,00 people, 7 photographers, and the casting people from 3Ball productions. Because I am very afraid that will be me in a little over 2 weeks.
Remember that little fashion show thing I am doing? It’s not so little anymore. Or apparently never was. You guys, I have to walk a 52 foot runway in 3 inch heels, in front of over 4,000 people. Not 40. Not 400. 4,000.
Gulp.
What the hell was I thinking? I am not a runway model. I am not even that fierce, I just play it on my blog. I am a boring soccer mom, who until recently wore flats to work every single day. Standing in heels hurts my feet and legs. When I try to smile with my eyes, I look like a serial killer. My runway bitch face makes me look cross-eyed.
And yet, I somehow need to find a way to make this work. It doesn’t help that at every single rehearsal I get singled out in the group that needs “extra help”. I listen to what our coach has to say, practice really hard during the week, do what I think is awesome at the next practice, and then end up in the sucky group again.
It’s so freaking frustrating.
And I have lost my confidence. Whenever I walk, all I think about is what hips are doing, why my arms are doing, what my shoulders are doing. I try to make sure I’m not too bouncy, that I’m not walking too fast, that my face has attitude. And all that does is make me look like I have no idea what I am doing. Hell, I am having problems with my normal walk now, because all I can think about is how my arms are swinging.
This was supposed to be a super fun experience, and instead it’s turned me into this insecure mess, and I hate that I’ve let that happen. Even Sylvia’s ’Bianca you are so awesome, and I want to be you’ pep talks are having no effect (I must have been really really drunk ~ sylvia). What the heck happened to me?
So how do I get my mojo back? Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Earlier this year I was cast in a musical at the local theater. I worked my butt off at the audition and apparently it paid off…but after getting the part, I felt like all the confidence I had at the audition was gone. I was frequently called out by the director for being too reserved and awkward on stage, usually in front of the whole cast. Sometimes I got pulled aside and told that I “have a beautiful voice” but that I needed to step it up. I was told shit like this all throughout hell week and up until Opening Night.
I felt like Opening Night was a disaster. I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking during my choreography, everything went by in such a blur that I wasn’t sure I even said my lines right, and my singing was definitely not its best. But afterward the director pulled me aside and told me that she was so proud of me, because that night I gave the strongest performance I ever had.
Thinking back on it, maybe all my nervous energy somehow translated into “life” onstage, and since I was singing louder out of sheer nerves, it came off as sounding better. But the point of my story? Sometimes these things just work out, even after sucking major balls for so long.
You’ll be great.
Babe,
Be you. Take deep breaths, forget about what you *want* to be, and just be you. That’s all you need. Walk with the confidence that in that audience, all the women want to be you and all the men want to do you.
Just be you and you’ll be fine.
Peace,
Shannon
You are going to be FABULOUS!!
Hey, you know, you’re the best at having fun despite hangups. You’re gonna be fine! Even your troll knows that!
I was in a similar situation where my mother asked me to give a “little talk” on ethical systems within Neopagan religions to her garden club in Mexico…turned out to be 200 people including priests, retired academics, and at least one person with a comparative religions doctorate. Holy Crap! I thought I did terrible, but it turns out that I did just fine and nobody but me knew my hands were shaking. Remeber that no one can see inside your head, so there’s no way they can know you’re scared.
That thing where they say to picture everyone naked? Don’t do it. It’s horrifying and only makes you feel overdressed.
If you can, get a bunch of friends together, put on 3″ heels and practice in front of them. Go to the mall in high heels and pretend you’re in the show. Catwalk and everything. Even when the nasty gaggles walk by smelling like Teen Spirit. Do it until you think it’s funny instead of embarassing, then do it until, as a friend of mine puts it, you feel like you’re the bitch queen of the runway and all others must bow before you
In the heels, try practicing walking so that the heel hits the floor a second before the toe or they hit together. It will force you into swinging your legs from the hips, rolling each side of your pelvis forward and leading with the front of your thighs. It will feel exaggerated, like a toned-down gunslinger, but it creates a “don’t fuck with me” attitude in your walk. The walk is everything. Practice in front of a mirror, or better yet, a camera so that you can review it.
Another thing you might have to do is distract yourself, because you can’t both pay attention to your body parts AND move fluidly at the same time.
I’m a highly competitive person, so I would go for a fantasy where I win some kind of award or competition over the head of someone I don’t like. The whole angry-smiling model thing is awfully close to an “I win, take that!” gloat. Do you remember a time when you not only won an argument with a stupid person, but triumphed over them, leaving them humble and dirt-eating? Hold onto that feeling and pretend you’re all alone on the catwalk with that triumph.
Good luck!!!
I remember walking in Baltimore fashion week with only one previous runway show under my belt (the standards for Baltimore are no where near that for New York or Paris fashion week!). I spent so much time worrying about falling but seriously, let me just tell you, the second you walk on the runway and you have the flashbulbs in your face all your fear just dissipates (and believe me, you’re probably a better walker in heels than I was at the time). It goes by so fast so my advice is ENJOY it while it lasts! It’s such a rush on the runway, you won’t believe how much of a blur it is. In all honesty people are more interested in the clothing than the person wearing it. You’ll be FINE.
I’m a performer and have terrible stage fright. A few tips:
-Re: walking, an Alexander technique teacher once told me to “think of the distance between the top of your head and the bottoms of your feet” while walking. It helped me keep good posture and also think of my body as a unified whole instead of head-neck-torso-arms-legs.
-Eat a banana when you get nervous–there’s a rumor they have natural beta-blockers and while I’ve never found a scientific basis for it, I do find them helpful.
-Visualization is so, so helpful. Close your eyes and “watch” yourself do your ideal runway walk from an audience perspective. Then imagine it in the first person. Repeat, repeat, repeat. It’s a way of implanting muscle memory without tiring yourself out.
-Remember that when they correct you in rehearsals, they don’t mean, “Everything you’re doing is bad, start from scratch,” they’re just improving what’s already good. Often coaches don’t remember to give praise for what you do well, but you’re probably doing a lot of things well.
-You’ll probably feel plenty fierce when it comes time, but until then, sometimes it helps to just think of the fiercest person you can and pretend you’re them for a little while.
Best of luck, you’re going to be wonderful!!
What works for me is to tell yourself the opposite of whatever you’re thinking. “Man, I am the best supermodel out! Tremble in fear mortals!”
I always just forget everything and pick a spot and stare intensely at it, although I’ve never done a fashion show in front of 4000 people.
You know what after you do this you’re going to realize that all the stuff you’re thinking about- walk, legs, hips won’t matter.
Also I’d try putting some heels on and putting some music on and walk around the house all day to get use to it!!!!
I know you can do it, I’m so excited and it’s not even me!!
Ok, not to give the ultimate pep talk but all will be well!! I tell everybody all the time at work, it will be fine, it will all work out just fine.
Relax and have fun. The reason you were picked for this show is because you were relaxed and having fun at the casting call. Don’t overthink it! It’s a show with a bunch of people you’ll never see again.
Remember why you did this in the first place – because it sounded awesome and you are awesome.
Forget what they have to say – just get up there and walk like you write!!!
Hey girls, love your blog ~ always enjoy stopping here when I get a chance. Got a little gift for you at http://flying-cupcakes.blogspot.com/2009/11/raise-applause-sign-here.html
Enjoy!
You guys are awesome. Thanks for all the nice comments. Hopefully I will rock the show out.
So you’re saying that I should cover myself in glitter, skip down the runway chewing bubble gum, and then give everyone the finger?
So you’re saying that I should cover myself in glitter, skip down the runway chewing bubble gum, and then give everyone the finger?
YES!!!!!
Just wear heels all around the house and whatever to make sure you are comfortable walking in them. You are fab and know it! You will kick some serious bum!
your thoughts have much power, but you have the power to choose what thoughts you think. you said in the post, I just play fierce on my blog. That is the whole confidence game, play fierce, choose the thoughts that make you feel good.
How cool are you doing a fashion show., You Rock!
[...] been practicing for 8 (!) weeks to get her walk down pat, her fierce on (thanks, Tyra) and find her inner supermodel. I’m sure she’s going to be fantastic, but I’ll let her tell you all about it [...]