My Privilege is Way Better Than Your Privilege
By Bianca
My name is Bianca, and I have a lot of privilege. In fact, it’s very likely that I have way more privilege than you do. Jealous?
Let’s break it down.
I’m white. Pale skin, blue eyes, straight nose, and until recently, long blonde hair.
My husband is white. He is well educated, with a master’s degree, and a bunch of technical certifications.
I am fat, but only fat enough that someone would call me fat to be mean. While I am not an in-betweenie, I am not death fat, and because of my height, still kind of acceptably fat.
My face is attractive in the way that Hollywood likes. I’ve been told my whole life that I should model. This also makes my fatness more acceptable.
I own a home in a solidly middle class neighborhood. We have a pool. Our family income puts us in the top 10%, and we are only a good pay raise away from moving into the top 5%. I could buy a brand new car, take a European vacation, or remodel my entire kitchen tomorrow if I wanted to.
That’s a hell of a lot of privilege, isn’t it? And man, Bianca sure does think highly of herself, doesn’t she? But isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? Be honest about my privilege?
Because here’s the thing. If you were to ask if my life was privileged, I would say no. That’s not how I think I live.
I acknowledge that my husband and I are very lucky financially. I know there are lots of families that struggle every day to put food on the table. I was one of those families. Or, more correctly, I was one of those single parents.
I acknowledge that being pretty may give me an advantage in stuff. What, I couldn’t tell you. But I know it’s there. When I was thinner, it was good for getting the attention of a bartender at a crowded bar.
I acknowledge when I go into a store, nobody will follow me around, worried that I am going to steal something. If I get pulled over by a police officer, I know it’s not because of the color of my skin.
I acknowledge that I have never been treated disrespectfully by a salesperson because of my size. Or even a doctor for that matter. I’ve never had a stranger say mean things to be about my size, or yell nasty things out a car window.
Yep, more privilege.
So my question is, what do I do with all this knowledge? And, yes I am serious. I acknowledged it. I can’t change it, and I don’t want to. I am not sorry for what I have, and I think it would be patronizing to wish others had it, or even want it.
Maybe I am in denial. Maybe I am a huge snob, and don’t know it. Maybe I am just a person, living her life the best way that she can.
How’s your privilege?
What you should do is bitch and whine about how others are taking their own privilege for granted, thus redirecting attention away from your privilege.
That’s pretty much how it’s done in the fatosphere.
Bianca – I think that this is great post and an excellent question. I don’t think that anyone needs to apologize for his or her privelege, ever. Life isn’t fair, as my mom always told me. I hope that you enjoy these priveleges. To answer your question, “what do I do with all this knowledge?”… here’s my take.
Let’s say you and I are talking. You know where you’re coming from, and let’s say I’m 400 lbs., not conventionally attractive (acne, non-”pleasing” features, no sense of style). I’m also poor an uneducated. So, you mention this bar where you used to go in your skinny days and get the bartender’s attention and say that it was always so much fun and you loved that bar and you really want to go there again.
I say that I went to that bar once and thought that everyone was unfriendly and the bartender was rude to me and people seemed to laugh at me and I was so embarrassed that I left in tears.
What do you do with all your knowledge? You say, “wow. That sucks. That is so different from my experience.” You acknowledge that you and I might experience something differently based on my lack of the priveleges you possess. You do NOT say, “That didn’t happen.” “You’re wrong.” “The bartender would never be rude.” “You’re too sensitive.” “You must have been there on an off night.” “You’re crazy! That place rocked!” “You’re always assuming that people are making fun of you.” “Maybe you weren’t very friendly either, did you ever think about that?”
When you are aware of your privelege, you can acknowledge that your experience is not universal, that there are so many things that can impact a person’s experience. That’s it… first the knowledge, then the understanding.
Ugh – privilege, not privelege… every freakin’ time…
Bitchin Post From One Privledged Girl To Another
This is totally what I would say. Yay!!!
KC’s answer is great. I would only add that when you vote, you keep in mind that the government is one of the very few mechanisms in the world for correcting for privilege — that government programs that help the poor and affirmative action programs that help minorities and women are designed to counteract to a small degree for the constant stream of benefits flowing to rich people and white males through our/their privilege.
Oh, and you have to hold pool parties for your devoted readers.
Privilege sleepover at your house!
Bianca – you forgot about another privilege you have….
SYLVIA PRIVILEGE!!!!!
[...] This? [...]
Acknowledging Privilege; or, why not to be a douchebag about it said this on October 20, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Ho ho you are attracting the ire of another fatosphere heavyweight, pun intended.
You’re terribly privileged. I guess the point is, how you do you use it? Some people waste large portions of their lives trying to atone for their privilege, which seems like a big waste of time. If you use your privilege to make something of your life, I think that’s a pretty good use for it. You might make the world a better place, even.
The problem is that there are people who use their privilege to exclude people lower down in the ranks; people who consider their privilege to be linked up with their social status. They suck. So, in your dealings with other people you need to be inclusionary. You need to consider that things that came easy to you may have been hard or even impossible for them. You can do what you can to help them out, if you want. That’s just decency.
Things haven’t always been easy, but I didn’t feel the need to talk about them in the post. And I am totally inclusionary to people who aren’t as lucky as I am. Looks at my friendship with Sylvia.
It’s OK, Bianca. I know the truth.
[...] Marianne lost her temper on the internets over this post about privilege. Marianne says it a lot better than I probably can. But you know, I’ll give [...]
Privilege « Illegal Jesus said this on October 20, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Look, now you’ve totally pissed off one of the leaders of the FA movement. How dare you have a WRONG opinion! Be prepared for a shitstorm:
http://tinyurl.com/ygc55ls
I still feel that the whole word ‘privilege’ is laden with the wrong kind of baggage, and I don’t understand why people insist on using it. Why can’t we just say ‘advantages’? For most people, replacing just that one bloody word makes the whole discussion so much more OBVIOUS and removes the crazy defensiveness from the discussion that makes everybody so snarky to each other.
I have some advantages. I have some other disadvantages. This is self-evident. There’s nothing really to argue about.
If you tell someone that they’re privileged, what they hear is “You are a snotty rich brat who got everything on a silver platter and you have nothing to complain about!” Which upsets them, because it’s not accurate… More to the point, it’s not what really needs to be said.
You have ADVANTAGES if you’re white, or thin, or not all that fat, or male. That doesn’t mean your life is perfect and no one would think that, and it doesn’t mean you have to constantly apologise for having those advantages, although it does mean you should recognise that others don’t have them and give them some leeway for not acting just like you.
Yeah I saw that. I knew not everyone would agree, but that’s cool. Everyone being adults and all.
Honestly, what’s the point of this? Did you just feel like tooting your own horn? “Hey I’m probably more privileged than you, you should be jealous!” Apparently all the privilege in the world can’t atone for your lack of class and common decency.
Yes Kailey, that is exactly my point. That a bunch of people I don’t know should be jealous of me. (This is sarcasm, btw)
I love this post and I love KC’s comment about simply acknowledging that other people might have a different experience than you, even in identical surroundings or with the exact same people. Love, love, love!!!
My name is Kailey, and I don’t have to talk about myself like I belong in a support group for alcoholics.
I am also white with pale skin, blue eyes and a straight nose. Apparently this has something to do with privilege, but I’ve always been under the impression that the only thing it means is that I’m at a higher risk for skin cancer.
I’m sure I’m fat by some standards, but the stick-thin girl at work who praises my curves every chance she gets makes me realize that branding my body with such a harsh and stigmatized word is not only unhealthy for my self image, but disrespectful to those who think I’m beautiful.
I don’t know what Hollywood likes, because everything they touch is airbrushed into oblivion. Those standards are unattainable, and I would never deign myself perfect.
The only real “privilege” I can see here is money. Everything else is completely subjective, and has nothing to do with your place in the world, but everything to do with your perception of yourself. You can say “If you were to ask if my life was privileged, I would say no. That’s not how I think I live.” until you’re blue in the face, but the way you describe yourself paints a very different picture.
Hi, my name is Sylvia, and I’m fat.
Kailey – do you really have a problem with the term “fat”?
And I think the whole money thing is also subjective. But you know what? That’s not how the real world works.
I would love to tell my future daughter “you know that model in that magazine? She doesn’t really look like that. They airbrush and photoshop her to within an inch of her life. So don’t compare yourself to her and feel like you’re not good enough” and have her keep that with her and remember it no matter where she is.
But for the most part, that is a fantasy to some degree.
People judge people for what they have and what they don’t have, and compare it to themselves. So I think the term “privilege” is the only subjective thing here.
Kailey,
Hmm, maybe you need a 101 lesson even more than some people seem to think I do, because last time I checked white privilege was a very real thing. Also I don’t consider calling someone fat a bad thing. I am sorry that you do.
I actually don’t think I am perfect, but the personal airbrusher that follows me around, does her best.
Oh and the money thing. Well, you know.
And it’s not really cool to diminish the suffering of alcoholics by comparing them to me.
Everyone being adults and all.
You are, yes. Everybody else, not so much.
Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.
I’m over 300 lbs and biracial (black father, white mother). I’m one of those oppressed groups you apparently disregarded, according to Marianne.
I’m here to tell you that you didn’t.
Kailey,
I am way too privileged to acknowledge quotes by foreign people.
Kailey – either your internet-search-ability-privilege and/or Dostoevsky-edumacated-privilige is showing!
Thank you. I knew not everyone would agree with my post, but I do feel the whole ‘You are disregarding oppressed groups thing’ is way off base.
If you had a better grasp of what privilege means, you may have some answers to this. Privilege doesn’t mean you live a life of eating delicious bon bons. It means there are systems which benefit you unfairly. For instance, the thing about white privilege is that it doesn’t just oppress people of color, it falsely elevates white people into positions of power they don’t necessarily deserve. For instance, when a black person doesn’t get a job because of her race not her ability, that means a white person gets the job because of their race not their ability
More specifically, here is a big post talking about what privilege is (and isn’t) and what you can do about it.
FYI, making a self-deprecating post about how you have lots of privilege but whatever, is incredibly insulting. Also, people leaving comments talking about how they are sick of people talking about privilege, is using privilege to silence people and to try to control behavior. It’s also jerky behavior. It’s like a size 16 person walking up to someone who is a size 28 and saying “I have a relatively easy time buying clothing. Many straight size lines carry my size. Oh and I’m never sized out of plus size clothing lines like you are. I guess that means I have ’size privilege’ of something. If that exists. Whatever. You should stop whining about how hard it is for you to get clothing and instead talk about important issues.”
I also suggest you read some posts here: http://delicious.com/starkeymonster/forcluelesswhitepeople
I knew that book report would come in handy one day.
I’m going to have to go troll somewhere else so I can flex some otherwise useless math knowledge muscles.
Oh also, posts like this are what makes many less privileged groups express a lack of interest in FA and/or outright disgust. Imagine a poor person, or a person of color (like myself), or a person with disabilities reading this. This post (plus the comments) is a big “I don’t care about your life, your problems, your concerns or your feelings.” It’s flipping off less privileged people, and then wondering why that ay be an issue.
I think fitness boy has a blog.
Julia, I think it’s not a post about a white smallish fat woman who bluntly states she has a comfortable life and doesn’t feel bad about it (and why should she)? that causes other POC, people with disabilities, etc. to stay away from FA, but white middle-class bloggers who try to speak for us without directly asking about our experiences, or inviting us to talk about them.
I’m a minority who was not offended by this post. I don’t think that makes me delusional or in denial. I just think people are getting riled up when there’s really nothing here to get riled up about.
Because here’s the thing. If you were to ask if my life was privileged, I would say no. That’s not how I think I live.
I think this is the part that I’d question. Having privilege doesn’t mean that your whole life is just peachy. Often, it simply means that your life isn’t harder than it already is. I’m white, so I don’t generally get racist bullshit thrown at me (unless people think I’m Middle Eastern, which does sometimes happen) – it doesn’t make my life better; rather, it prevents it from being more difficult.
The only think you can do with it is know that it exists and understand that people who don’t have it will experience a situation differently than you might. That’s all.
You begin by saying, “My name is Bianca, and I have a lot of privilege. In fact, it’s very likely that I have way more privilege than you do. Jealous?”
Yes. Are you surprised?
Mostly, though, I’m sort of frustrated that you are able to list all those things about yourself and “acknowledge” them as unearned advantages over other human beings (aka privilege) and yet still sum up by saying:
“I can’t change it, and I don’t want to. I am not sorry for what I have, and I think it would be patronizing to wish others had it, or even want it.”
Patronizing?
So does that mean that white civil rights workers were being patronizing to try to change Jim Crow laws? Or that men are being patronizing when they speak to other men about why rape is wrong? Or straight people are patronizing when they fight against anti-gay marriage amendments or to end DADT?
Is it, in your view, wholly on the backs of those without a given privilege to fight for a more equitable world in which that arbitrary difference doesn’t matter?
You acknowledge you were lucky to be born white, to be born with genes that gave you a look in keeping with conventional standards of beauty, and in having a body that didn’t hold onto fat making you supersized even if you eat very little. Etc. etc. etc. You were lucky in all sorts of ways that eased the way for you while other people, through no fault of their own, met roadblocks in places you had a smooth road.
But it looks like you got stuck in your thinking about privilege in assuming that it’s wholly immutable and not a function of your saying, “I don’t want to give any of it up.”
But see… you asked what you can do. Well, imagine what might happen if the thing you could *do* is to change the world (maybe not all by yourself, but along with other privileged people.)
Imagine if you could, with a magic wand, change standards of beauty so that more different kinds of people were considered beautiful and fewer were considered ugly, and I or any other woman could go into a bar and get equally good service simply because we’re human.
Now imagine that world. You and I are in front of the bartender and, as I got there a fraction of a second earlier, I get served first even though, at one point in time (before the world got rid of thin privilege or white privilege or pretty privilege) you would’ve gotten served first because you caught the bartender’s eye as more sexually attractive.
Would you work for a world in which you got served second? Last?
What about a job interview? What if you and a 400lb person were both judged on your skill-sets and experience and, in this imaginary world, this much fatter woman wasn’t cast aside because the person in Human Resources thought you were a little more human than her because you were thinner?
Would you work toward a world where being thinner wasn’t to your advantage?
What if you actually could change the world so that arbitrary differences over which you have no control didn’t matter?
Male feminists faced this problem in fighting for equity in the workplace at a time when women were routinely not hired when a male applicant was available, and they did this work knowing that, next time, they might have to compete against a well qualified woman.
Would you do the same?
Now the whiteness thing. You can’t change that. But what if you did antiracism work? What if you (and lots of other people) were successful, but in doing so, your whiteness stopped granting you all those privileges it now grants you that you don’t even notice? What if (magic wand time again), you could make it possible for black people to, just for instance, get access to the kinds of bank loans readily given out to white people so that, for example, black people weren’t pushed into so-called “ghetto loans” by the banks when they might qualify for better terms?
What if (and here we’re going into hypothetical land entirely), that somehow affected your relationship with your bank so that you no longer had an unfair advantage?
The thing to think about is, would you ever, under any circumstances, be willing to give up *any* of the advantages you have that have come about by the systematic discrimination against other human beings who lack the things you happened to be born with?
Of course, it’s not really true that there’s only so much pie to go around at any given meal. Often, we can make more pie. But that making more takes work. Are you willing to step up and do the work?
I like KC’s answer of empathy. But sometimes, the mere act of being inclusive–of doing work to make the world a more equitable place– means being uncomfortable and giving something up, like your time, or even your advantages.
If you get some less than thrilled responses to your post, I suspect it’s because, by listing all your privileges and then saying, “I can’t change it, and I don’t want to,” you sound sort of lazily unwilling to give up any of the spoils of your unearned good luck.
And for that reason, I guess I’m not so jealous of you after all, because it seems like you’ve created this blog of yours that challenges at least some of the anti-fat bias out there without really thinking about what might happen if you succeeded.
Nicely said, Miriam.
Oh, and Julia, racism works both ways. Your link is highly fucking offensive. While I may not agree with Bianca’s post, it’s just an opinion. Not everyone gives a shit about being politically correct.
I didn’t take “I can’t change it, and I don’t want to” to mean anything like “I want all the benefits my privilege affords me.” Bianca, it seems like you have a comfortable life. Why should you feel guilty for this? That doesn’t mean you can’t believe that others might have different experiences. It seems like this is a lose-lose situation. Like, not mentioning your privilege means you’re not making an effort to understand other people. Acknowledging your privilege makes you…oppressive? How does this work? Sorry, I will just never get the politics of the fatosphere.
I love that all the comments and posts on other blogs berate this post as one of the reasons people feel unwelcome. People like that are the reason I never comment or want to get involved.
Holy shit, tons of comments. I’ll read them tomorrow.
Tonight, I just want to say that even those of us with privilege are victims of some sort of discrimination. Even us white guys who are King Privilege.
Even in America, where white guys rule, it is more difficult for white guys to get a fair judgment in custody cases.
“According to the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), nearly 75 percent of all child custody awards are made to the mother. Only about 10 percent of child custody awards are made to fathers. The rest of the child custody awards involve some sort of joint custody arrangement.”
http://www.childcustodycoach.com/child-custody-statistics.php
Anyway, I’m glad you stepped into the controversy this time and not me. I could use some time off. Good luck.
Peace,
Shannon
What I find amusing about this whole “privilege” argument is how certain groups of people automatically have “harder” lives based on a physical characteristic – as if the individual has no stake in their successes and failures. Stop blaming your problems on other people, because maybe you are the one who is screwing up everything.
Bianca, it seems like you have a comfortable life. Why should you feel guilty for this?
Exactly. Why should you apologize for existing? You have every right to enjoy what you have been given and/or earned.
“If you were to ask if my life was privileged, I would say no. That’s not how I think I live.”
Um, that’s the point. Privilege is something you can just go through life without recognizing. I don’t think anyone is asking you to apologize for existing or give up the apparently abundant perks that your privilege offers you, but don’t be a dick about “acknowledging” it. This post just seems like an unwarranted “Hey, my life is better than yours and I don’t care!”–what’s the point of that?
Hmm, I’m not sure why some people are so offended by this post. People throw that word around a lot around here. Whats so wrong about asking what to do with “privilege” once it’s acknowledged?
Kate, that’s kind of what I was wondering too.
Sarah, the whole concept of privilege is that certain groups of people automatically have harder lives based on physical characteristics. The fact that hard work and careful planning and compromises in the right places can overcome some of those disadvantages doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
It’s also good for privileged people to learn about privilege, so that they can correct for those biases in their own decisions — Are you assuming this job candidate is smarter just because they are better looking? Are you taking that person’s argument more seriously because they are male? That kind of thing.
Hhhmmm, some interesting stuff here. Let me put a bit of a spin on things…..
I’m biracial, Native (American Indian) and white. I’m fat, and broke. And an Aspie, which makes life ever so much more interesting when dealing with normals. Am I privilege? You bet!
I own a home in a housing market comparable to California, and didn’t pay an arm and a leg for it. Because of the skills I have, I can work at home, raising some of our food, preparing things from scratch (Ask me about last year’s cheesemaking experiment!), raising our teenage son, and doing my artwork and music. And I am totally happy. My sister, who is extremely wealthy, the 15 car/multiple house kind of wealthy, is miserable, and has been most of her life.
I wasn’t offended by this post. Am I a little jealous? Sure, I’d love to be able to go blow a grand at the mall or Fry’s. I do want things, like a huge flat panel high def tv home theater system. (A 32″ monitor would be kickin’ too!) But i also read between the lines, and watching the videos, I can safely say I would not trade places with Bianca, ever. And I don’t think she is saying “Look at me, I have, and you don’t! Nanny nanny booboo!” What I read into the whole thing is more like “Look at the life I’ve got, but I’m not really happy”. And I’m not offended by someone who had it easy in life. A little envious, perhaps, but not offended. I’m GLAD you didn’t go through what I have in my lifetime. Money and ‘privilege’ don’t make one happy, or even content. You can have as much as Trump and still be cold and hungry.
Sorry, didn’t mean to post the above all in one chunk! I keep forgetting to put bigger spaces in between.
Kailey, what’s offensive about Julia’s link? It looks to me like a useful list of interesting articles for white people who want to learn more about racism and white privilege. I don’t see anything there that puts white people down. In fact, I’m white, and the fact that someone took the trouble to put that list together for the benefit of people like me feels kind of like… a compliment.
Wow… you log off the internet for 12 hours and look what happens!
Miriam – Great comment. Thank you for taking the time to work through these things and be so eloquent about it.
Atchka, I really hate when people site that as an example of how men are so oppressed. Because that one example of where men are maybe not favored negates ALL the rest of the privilege that men have over women.
I think there’s a lot of confusion because some people are seeing the word “privilege” used in the academic sense and thinking it means the same thing as the popular definition (what I would call “entitlement”). Privilege has nothing to do with being born into money. I was born poor and a fat woman, but I still have white, cisgender, and straight privileges.
Owning a house does not give you privilege. But your privilege may have made buying a house easier than for another person. For example, it might be easier for me to buy a condo because I am in a opp-sex marriage, and the condo board might assume that an opp-sex marriage is more stable than even a very committed same-sex relationship. THIS IS MY STRAIGHT PRIVILEGE. I did nothing to earn this besides being born straight.
I guess the question was, what can I do about my privilege? Lots of things. I can fight hard to negate it by being an ally. I can speak the hell up when privilege is overtly shown. I can do some research before assuming that POC or whomever have the responsibility to educate me. I can think really, really hard about why I have an uncomfortable or even combative reaction when I am called out for my privilege, and I can apologize when I am asserting it.
Here’s another example of privilege, from an earlier post on this blog:
Thin privilege – people who look “thin” in our society can buy and eat “junk” food without being quietly or overtly judged by other shoppers, the check-out person and bagger, their waiter, etc. etc. etc. This is quite a teensy tiny thing, but it has a huge effect on self-esteem.
What can a person with thin privilege do? Don’t make it worse by making comments when they “catch” their fat friends eating anything other than plain salad and diet shakes. Heck, don’t engage in fat talk at all, and make an effort to shut down fat talk when other people start it up – even when your fat friend isn’t around.
[...] Bianca’s post yesterday about privilege really riled some people up. Was what she said really that [...]
Colleen,
I didn’t say men are “so oppressed,” but until the day you’re forced to beg to see your child on a regular basis, I suggest you not be so flippant about other peoples’ situations.
You may hate that example, but I hate the fact that my ex could snap her fingers and get a child support settlement for free, while I’m forced to pay for an attorney before I have any legal right to see him.
Peace,
Shannon
In answer to your question Bianca:
You Aren’t Bad for Having Privilege
You don’t have any control over the privilege you were given, and we get that. It’s important for you to get that, and get that we aren’t saying that, and then realize what that means when combined with your privilege to pretend that you aren’t privileged. Confused? Simply put: you aren’t bad for having privilege, but not being able to give up your privilege is not a ‘get out of jail free’ card for bad behavior. So, what, then, to do about it? Well, finding a balance between accepting your privilege and fighting against it is not easy. I still struggle with it on a daily basis. But, one way to start is to listen to and take feedback from non-privileged groups. They are a good judge of how your actions come across to them. Not everyone’s opinions will be the same, but eventually you’ll come out with some semblance of balance that works for you and those around you.
http://blog.shrub.com/archives/tekanji/2006-03-08_146
So how is “recognizing” one’s “privilege” in the academic sense different from classifying people based on race, gender, sexuality, etc?
If the answer is, “because that information isn’t used to oppress, it’s used to free others from oppression,” then I disagree. I don’t think classifying people based on race, gender, sexuality, etc can *ever* used to free people from oppression, if one thinks critically about the definitions of oppression and freedom.
Again, seems like the very opposite of true liberal ideology, to me.
bigliberty – I’m a little confused. Are you saying that we should reject the idea that people in this society are discriminated against, both overtly and subconsciously? And that this discrimination means that some people are benefited by characteristics beyond their control, and should admit that?
The whole “I don’t see race” thing is supposed to be a joke on Colbert Report, because it’s not a liberal ideology at all. It’s an excuse to continue benefiting at the expense of others without having to examine and perhaps even correct that disparity.
Hey, Bianca! I still think you’re neat.
<3
Molly….
*sniff sniff*
what about little ol’ Sylvia?
Shannon, I understand you’re pissed about your custody problems. That is female privilege, and it’s unfair. That does not change all the rest of the privilege in your life. Everyone is oppressed/privileged in some way. It’s called intersectionality, it’s a pointless argument to say, yeah well white people face issues too. The idea is to treat everyone well, bring everyone up to the same level, not down to the oppressed one.
bigliberty, I agree with Sarah TX, you seem to be going with the “I don’t see color,” or gender or what have you ideology. That’s seriously unhelpful, because basically you’re saying I don’t see the differences, so I don’t discriminate, but I ignore it when other people do. And the truth is, no one “doesn’t see color” or whatever. If you grew up in this society you have preconcieved notions and ideas of what people of color or gay people are like. We all have to over come that.
Now as to this post, I think it’s one that if you had saved it and waited a couple days before posting it, you wouldn’t have posted it. I understand where you’re coming from though, because I think these things every once and a while. You don’t have to feel guilty, but you should use your privilege for good. Call people out when they flaunt their privilege is one simple thing you can do.
Privilege sometimes has nothing to do with how easy your life is. It might be something huge like that, like not being able to get married because you’re gay. Or it might be small, like never seeing movies that have characters like you in them. I watched 4 movies this weekend, there wasn’t a single black person, or gay person in any of them. When I think about how much I love to watch trashy romantic comedies with women like me in them, and then think about rare it is to see a black leading lady I get angry. Privilege is terrible, we don’t have to feel guilty about, we just HAVE to make an effort to change it.
Ali,
I know, I was just pissed about Colleen dismissing my point as a man complaining about being oppressed. I know in most ways, I have it pretty good. But this is one way that is of monumental significance to single fathers and to be told, “I hate when people say that’s oppression.” Well it is. Its oppressing my relationship with my son. Sorry if it doesn’t fit her standards of oppression.
Peace,
Shannon
[...] to find myself shoved into the cold, cold pool of controversy when I read Sylvia’s post about Bianca’s post and Marianne’s response. And oh my, what an icy pool it was, [...]
Hortus Deliciarum » Blog Archive » Holy Fatosphere Shitstorm, Batman said this on October 21, 2009 at 5:20 pm
Bianca-
I have to admit, I read The Rotund’s rebuttal to this post before I read this actual post. But here’s the thing: I didn’t find your post at ALL douchebag-y. I felt it was an honest assessment of where you’re at in your life right now. I’ve taken stock of my life many a time and then have been left with “ok, now what?”
I’m really surprised at the negative….no, I guess I’m not. I just thought about that. Because we’re not supposed to acknowledge the good things that have befallen us. Are we? I think that is the thing that stuck out to me the most in all of this. The “activists” want more “action” it seems. But what about just being fat and grateful? On some days, I don’t want to change the world, and I think that is what riled everybody up. You made a post that wasn’t set out to change the world – just setting forth the record.
Personally, I enjoyed it. I didn’t feel it was in my face or oppressive. I didn’t feel it was high-n-mighty or hoity toity. It just was.
And aren’t we all trying to give each other the space to just be?
Cheers to you,
M
what do you do with this knowledge that you’re priveleged? There is a lot of reading and a lot to learn out there.
You said “I know that being pretty gives me privelege, what I couldn’t tell you.” Well there are plenty of others that could, and have written about it even.
And then in the future, when you see it happening, you can say “that’s wrong.” One of the good ways you can use your provelge of being pretty and white is that when you say “this s**T is F-ed up, that is some racist stuff going on here” or “how can you treat her that way?” people will listen to you. People want to hear what the pretty people have to say, and you may actually be able to use your clout as a white person to make people who aren’t aware of prvelege there think for a moment.
My first thought about what you can do with the knowledge of your “privelege” is this: this very knowledge can make way for a greater compassionate and empathetic attitude towards all people that you encounter that aren’t white, conventially pretty, without economic means and or without a husband, or whatever. This may mean treating others not like yourself, with more respect, kindnesss and acceptance, when you realize that some of the good things in your life arent there because you are somehow “better” they are there because of your “privilege.”
I myself am very fat, Mexican-American, and fairly well-educated but work in historically feminized profession with relatively low wages. I am pretty in some conventional ways, as I have a big smile and long hair, but am not light-skinned and not blonde or light-eyed, so I don’t share that paritcular privilege with you.. I think I have some privileges that others don’t in some ways: just the fact that I am an American and born here creates some advantages in my life, that others who live in much poorer countries, with oppressive regimes, do not have.
I would think that recognizing your prvilege contributes to eradicating a callous personality.
I must say I was a little offended by your post, it stung a little, only because it came across to me as flippant. I don’t think it’s your intention to “hurt” anyone on here, I truly believe that you just put your thoughts out there, and want to honestly know what to do with your knowledge of privilege.
This knowledge requires some of your own soul searching. I don’t think there is one easy answer of what to “do with” privelege knowledge. And I also think the suggestion that maybe you should feel “guilty” is just as flippant and unserious. How can you feel guilty for something you didn’t do and isn’t really “bad” in the first place?
You are already doing something with “privilege ackknowldgement.” Just the fact that you are in the FA movement, shows me that you recognize how the ignorance of thin privlege sometimes (not always) translates into intolerance and discrimination against fat people.
You are already “doing” something with the acknowledgement of how thin privilege sometimes works in our culture. Perhaps with your understanding of how various priveleges and intersecting power structues in our culture will result in new activism, new empathy, new compassion, new tolerance, who knows?
I’m late to the game, obviously, but having read your post and scanned some of its responses, I wanted to put in my oar.
I think those that are offended are simply envious of those with more privilege than they themselves have. I’m privileged in some ways similar to you but not in others. I see people on TV and, having a clear understanding of the word privilege in general and in the way it’s used in discussing racism, feminism, fat-activism, etc., I shout at my television “We wouldn’t even know who the f–k you were if you weren’t thin and cute!” Or something similar, depending on the subject matter. This is just to say that while I know a lot about privilege and am fairly ok with where I fall on the spectrum of privileges – but I also have resentments and envy – so did those who responded so hostile-ly (is that a word? hostilely? don’t think so…).
And in response to your query, use your privilege for good wherever possible. I’m reminded of the story of Ted Kennedy’s life and how he and his siblings were all taught that with great privilege comes great responsibility. Donate as much as you can to various charities that help the less fortunate. Volunteer. What-have-you… Just being aware of your privilege will go a long way toward being able to respond sympatheticly to others’ bad experiences, as illustrated by the first few comments on your post.
I’m privileged to no longer wait tables or deliver pizza for a living, and because I know how hard that work is, and how it can suck some days, I usually tip generously. That’s how I manage the privilege of being able to enjoy a meal out.
You’re on track – keep on truckin!
-Giussi
[...] with all the stuff out there in ‘Sphere-land, I find this on The Rotund, which links back to this at 2 Zaftig Chicks. Needless to say, my head is spinning with all the [...]
Singularity « Heavy Art said this on October 21, 2009 at 7:53 pm
SYLVIA IS AWESOME!
<3
i lurk a lot in the ‘fatosphere’, read nearly everything, but never post. sometimes i am completely confounded by the direction things can take- so much drama is created between people who are supposedly on the same side of things. people out there who really are anti-FA, anti-HAES, anti-feminism, anti-everything-else-everyone-here-stands-for must be LOVING the recent ‘battles’ around here.
what’s the old saying about a house divided against itself?
then i heard about the controversy over bianca’s post, so i went to the source to see what all the uproar was about this time.
and i really don’t get it. as a nearly 300 pound disabled poor non-pretty woman who suffers from nearly debilitating anxiety and depression, i can say that the life assessment/questioning nature of this blog post did not come off as offensive to me at all. instead, i thought it was very honest, and the questioning was sincere.
it is nearly 1am here, and i am very tired, so i hope i am making sense. i may also be late to this party, but i just wanted to highlight that not everyone who read this was instantly offended.
I’ll start this out by saying that I believe acknowledging privilege is unnecessary. We have all had it shoved down our throats (especially those who spent a great deal of time in the deep south) that, in being white, we are privileged. By having disposable income, we are privileged. Being male is another privilege. Being heterosexual is yet another.
Honestly, there is nothing I can do about my privilege. I sure as hell won’t be ashamed of who I am and where I came from. Someone who screams “But you’re PRIVILEGED!” intends to make me feel that way.
There were always ‘power imbalances’ in society. There always will be. There will always be oppressed people. It’s the ‘You VS. Me’ dynamic. It is a human trait – a survival mechanism, to protect the ‘tribe’.
Not to say that we shouldn’t try to change things. But first we have to acknowledge human nature. Societal Homogenization will do no one any good…it’s just a Communism of a different color.
I think there’s been a lot of productive comments made (not all, but a lot). From my experience and my opinion, what you’ve done seems less like acknowledging privilege and more like bragging. Mostly I think it’s the tone you set at the start and continue through to the end.
Though that matters in the responses you get, ultimately you asked “What do I do with it?” so I’ll give my two cents on that. I think, on equal importance to acknowledging privilege, it’s important to acknowledge where you’ve been disadvantaged. I think acknowledging disadvantage is a big key to empathy and being in a position of privilege gives you greater scope to be constructive based on your empathy.
You say that you don’t live your life thinking about your privilege, but to me that translates that you don’t live your life grateful for what you have.
You say you don’t want to change your life, and that’s great, but perhaps what you might want to do is change your perspective.
THIS is the post which stirred up such a shitstorm?!! I am surprised that you haven’t been strung up yet! Good God! A woman admitting that she has a great life & that she is happy about it. What HAS the world come to? We all deal with what we deal with & you are more fortunate than most, perhaps, as you yourself acknowledge. Just rest assured that you are not alone. Maybe you have things to learn, maybe you don’t care to be educated. Be yourself. I can assure you from long experience that, should you turn yourself into a pretzel trying to conform…to be ‘feminist’ enough, guilty enough about your privilege, & certain that virtually every man alive is out to rape &/or murder you, you would still be criticized, ridiculed, & largely rejected around the sainted ‘fatosphere.’ After 30 years of attempting to fit in, to speak up, to be a ‘good enough’ fat activist, I am coming to agree with another blogger, Fat Heffalump, who seems to believe that we can take what we want & leave the rest & concentrate on accepting OURSELVES & coping as well as we can with the fat-hating culture around us. Being too political & trying to keep up with the ‘popular kids’ is a pain in the ass.
You do have a lot, & I hope that you enjoy & truly appreciate it, but, as someone who has spent most of life on the other end of the spectrum, I feel no anger or resentment toward you for what you have.
[...] start with something totally different. Recently in the online fat acceptance community, a newbie bragged about her privilege,got called on it, and in the comments I got linked to another example of damaging privilege as [...]
Attempt #2 @feministing « Reconcile said this on October 23, 2009 at 1:46 am
[...] start with something totally different. Recently in the online fat acceptance community, a newbie bragged about her privilege,got called on it, and in the comments I got linked to another example of damaging privilege as [...]
Chat with Feministing and other things « Reconcile said this on October 23, 2009 at 1:49 am
“Maybe I am in denial. Maybe I am a huge snob, and don’t know it. Maybe I am just a person, living her life the best way that she can.’
I’ll go with the first 2. Because the last one is clearly not true otherwise you wouldn’t have made this post.
[...] My Privilege is Way Better Than Your Privilege By Bianca My name is Bianca, and I have a lot of privilege. In fact, it’s very likely that I have way more [...] [...]
Top Posts « WordPress.com said this on October 23, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Hey Larry,
Shut the fuck up.
Peace and happiness,
Shannon
That does sound very snobby.