Why I’m Fat (per my mom)
by sylvia
At an event yesterday with my in-laws, I got tipsy (because that is what you have to do when you hang with the in-laws). Now, getting drunk or tipsy around my family is commonplace – practically a requirement – but typically at the functions with the in-laws, though I’m not always the one drinking, I am typically the only one getting tipsy. This weekend, I was definitely tipsy, so I started telling random stories (which I’m sure were related to something going on) to cousins, sisters, etc., one of which is below.
Now, keep in mind, for years I was in denial that I was fat. So telling humorous stories that made any reference to me being fat was totally taboo. I didn’t want to believe it, even though I believed it, if that makes any sense. I guess it had more to do with accepting the idea that I was fat and being ok with it. I never really felt that way. Bianca really put it in perspective for me this weekend, though, as we were getting ready for the Poison/Def Leppard/Cheap Trick concert. We’re taking pictures of our totally awesome 80s get-ups, and as I’m looking at the pictures, I start feeling really bad about myself, saying out loud, “I look really fat in that picture.” Bianca says, “Do you think someone is going to look at that picture and think, ‘wow, I didn’t know Sylvia was fat!’?”
Tru dat. It’s about accepting who you are. I’m much better than I used to be, but I’ve got a long way to go.
So back to the original purpose of this post. While hangin’ with the in-laws this weekend, I told this story:
A few years ago, my mom ‘confessed’ to me that when I was little she gave me a really strong hug, and I said “ow”. She thinks she did something to me that made me get fat, because shortly after that, I started becoming a fat kid.
Wow.
Now, I could have just blamed my mom for my fatness right then and then and resented her, but I started crying. I felt so bad for my mom, because she really thought she had done something wrong to me that made me fat. I know the reason I got fat – I was depressed and had no friends and lived in the middle of nowhere, so I ate hot dogs and bread all day while watching TV. Sure, my mom could have done something about that, but she was busy working, etc.
I could be angry about that, but I think about how, even though my self-esteem has been in the gutter, I feel bad about myself on a regular basis, still harbor that “fat kid-you’ll never be anything” mentality, being fat forced me to develop my personality. As I come into my own as an adult, I find am way cooler and more fun than my skinny sisters and other skinny bitches I run into on a regular basis.
I just need to get rid of this gut.
;p
I know the reason I got fat – I was depressed and had no friends and lived in the middle of nowhere, so I ate hot dogs and bread all day while watching TV.
No, that’s not “the reason you got fat.” Lots of people eat hot dogs and bread and don’t get much exercise as kids and don’t get fat.
You got fat because your metabolism stored calories more efficiently than the metabolisms of the thin kids who watched TV and ate hot dogs all day.
See, the “what I ate is why I’m fat” equation is almost never accurate. You ate what you ate, and you got fat. Other people ate the exact same thing or more, and didn’t get fat.
Okay, first of all the only things that came to my mind on looking at your 80’s outfits were, “Man, they ARE smoking!” and “How could such lovely girls want to go to a Cheap Trick, Poison, Def Lepard concert?” Maybe those bands are like some kind of wine — delicious 30 years later even though they were pure rotgut at the time.
OK, enough being old. I feel like hell for your Mom. Maybe there are mothers out there who aren’t secretly afraid they broke their child somehow, and are the cause of all unhappiness, but I’ve never met one.
Finally, about that looking-at-the-good-that-sprouted-from-misery thing you do at the end there? You might want to work on bottling that — you’d make a killing.
First, thank you! And secondly, we really just went to the concert so we would have a good excuse to dress up in purple lame leggings and crimp our hair.
Thank you!
My mom is great, but yes – she still deals with guilt with however her children turned out. I told her you have children that aren’t in jail, on drugs or stealing money from you, they talk to you at least once a week, and like to visit you on a regular basis – you did a great job!
That’s too bad about your mom. My mom felt guilty because *she* was fat and always on diets, and then I grew up and got fat too. Maybe she could have fed me a fruit or vegetable once in a while as a child, but it totally isnt anything she did that made me gain weight.
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