French Fry Abuse
By Bianca
Marissa Jaret Winokur has a new weight loss blog at people.com and I want to talk about it. I have to warn you that I know very little about Ms Winokur, and research is for losers, so I am going to be making some assumptions. Now we all know what they say about people who make assumptions, so feel free to call me Biancass for the rest of the day.
Ms Winokur recently had a baby through a surrogate, and had the nerve to gain 25 pounds even though she did not carry the baby herself. Now we all know that gaining any sort of weight whatsoever, outside of being pregnant (and then it better had only be no more than 10 pounds max) is a mortal sin in Hollywood, and is punishable by a slow and painful death.
Ms Winokur, however, was able to throw herself at the mercy of the court by joining the very popular Former Fatass cult, and is now working off her punishment in the form of pouring water on her very delicious McDonald’s french fries (a sin in itself if you ask me.)
The few things I actually do know about Ms Winokur are the following. She had cancer, she has a baby, she won a Tony, and she was on Dancing With the Stars.
I don’t watch Dancing With the Stars, but I know that they do a whole lot of dancing, and they do it almost everyday. And I know that all the dancing they do gets most people into amazing shape, because every season there is some semi-famous chick talking about her amazing new body to anyone who will listen. That you could get too!! If you just exercise 8 hours every day, and eat lots of broiled chicken.
So anyways, I assume Marissa was probably in the best shape of her life because of the aformentioned dancing, and she probably lost some weight. Weight she gained back because she was no longer dancing all day, and also running around taking care of an infant instead.
Now I am not hating on Marissa Jaret Winokur, because I can only imagine the pressure she is getting from casting directors, agents, random people on the street who are nosy, to lose weight so she can get some more acting roles. Or barring that, get on the cover of People magazine showing up her now bikini ready body. Which she is apparently working on now.
But Marissa dear? Next time you have some warm, delicious french fries in your hand, give me call, and I’ll grab some ranch and come on over. It would be a shame to waste them.
Oh, honey, no.
She won her Tony award for playing Tracy Turnblad in ‘Hairspray’. She played the fat hero in (one of) the most fat accepting shows/movies… and now she wants to lose weight?! Didn’t Tracy teach her anything???
Look, they ALL do that. They’re performers. Performers want attention. And she’s an actress. Actresses want to be cast. They have to make up some guck like “I did it for my health!” so it won’t be as obvious, but please. Most actors would give 20 years off their lives for an Oscar, or at least a production deal that sets them up for life.
I can’t say that I blame them. I mean I never personally would ever do anything like that for attention or anything*, but I understand sometimes you gotta cut a bitch, or lose 20 pounds for that movie role.
It doesn’t excuse the french fry waterboarding though.
*Total lie.
I’m just disgusted that she would agree to host that awful show!
I haven’t watched it. Based on the commercials I’ve seen it looks like the chicks get to wear awesomely tacky clothes, and they seem to be having tons of fun dancing, but the whole “You’d better lose weight fatty, or you’re out” aspect of it kind of sucks.
I feel bad for her. Soaking food is an old ED trick. Not good.