by sylvia
So I don’t know if any of you know this, but I’m a big girl. Not necessarily in a figurative way, but definitely in a literal way. I’m 5′10″, I have size 11 feet, wear a 44G bra, and weigh about 270 (+/- 10lbs). And that’s not muscle. I also have big hair. Plus, I take after my mom’s side of the family, so am also big-boneded, in a German-stock stereotypical way.
So I’m a big girl. Some might dare say “husky”, but if they did, I’m sure my passive aggressive self would find some way to make them feel bad about it.
But I’m coming to terms with that. However, that is not the point of this drivel.
I’m not sure others are comfortable with it. Sure, it’s true that if you have confidence in yourself, others pick up on it and you can almost trick people into believing that you are not as fat as you really are. Wait, can you actually do that?
But because a lot of people assume that fat people are automatically self-conscious and therefore should be complimented like walking on so many eggshells, I find it an interesting behavioral phenomenon.
For example, talking to an older man today that a lot of us around here know. He saw a shirt on my desk from one of the companies we do business with. I asked him if he wanted it because A) he would get more use out of it than I would because B) it was an XL and C) it was white. I get stains on my black clothes, so white shirt + boob shelf + love of food = ruined shirt.
He told me it was too big for him, but I should keep it because it would fit me (how little did he know). And then he proceeded to say, “you know, because you’re bigger than me” (no biggie – ha – he is kind of a little guy) and I agreed with him, and then he started stumbling, thinking he said something wrong and when he tried to “fix” the situation, I stopped him and said “it’s a no win situation.”
He laughed, and I explained to him no matter what he said at this point it was going to seem like either an insult or creepy. And not because I would think it either way, but I could see the embarrassment welling up within him.
Because even though his intentions were benign, the way society works sometimes is against those who are trying to be nice. I believe he was honestly trying to compliment me (I think he actually said “you’re bigger, but it looks good on you” or something like that), but a few years ago, his statements would have made me feel terrible. And I would have harped on them for at least a day. But now, not so much. Cuz I am a big girl – DUH. Did you see my stats up there?
But it also reminded me of this woman who is on the new season of Tough Love. If you’re not familiar with Tough Love, it is a reality show where a professional matchmaker (who can also be an incredible douche) brings 8 women who have dating problems to this house for a 10-week Boot Camp. Check out the link if you want to learn about what their problems are, but I find it fascinating because I think all of us can relate to some of their behaviors, and it’s interesting to see them come to terms with them.
The person I am most interested in watching the development of is Jenna. Jenna was overweight her entire life and just recently lost a lot of weight. But she still thinks like her fat self. When she watched men talk about their interaction with her, all she picked up on was what she thought were insults. In actuality, they had great things to say about her, but she heard someone say “thick” or something to that effect, and she heard nothing else.
So she’s not fat anymore. But she’s still insecure. Big surprise, right?
And all she hears are insults, and completely missing the compliments.
I can totally relate. I just hope she learns to love herself in the process, not just find love. I’ll be watching, if and when I remember, to see what happens.
Posted in Body Acceptance, Boobs, FASHION, Fat, Fun, Life, Media, Work, reality tv
Tags: 44G boobs, accepting the fat, Awesome, bellies, big girls, body language, boobies, Boobs, cleavage, clothes, compliments, delusional, Fat, Fat Acceptance, fatty, Food, husky, Kiss My Fat Ass, my weight, neurotic, Obese, plus size, reality tv, self-esteem, shirts, size 11 feet, the bigs, The Fat Girl Club, Tough Love, truth, TV, weight, WTF, zaftig